Gay Terrorism

 Governor DeSantis was on the news again; CNN blared through a dive bar in east Texas, "Principal Smith was fired today after they held an 'It's OK To Say Gay' assembly. Questions have been raised if the measures Governor DeSantis took to get the teacher fired have been ethical..."

"Questions have been raised... Questions have been raised... Question is HOW is that MOTHERFUCKER still GOVENOR?!"

"Shut the fuck up Roger"

"You sh.. Who said that?!" a moderately drunk Roger O'Connor was getting ready to start a fight.

"Roger, Roger.." bar tender and one of Roger's only friends Fred comes out from behind the bar. "We can't have you yelling at the TV buddy. Get up and do something about it then. Just nothing violent and nothing in this bar."

With no idea what he was going to do about it he decided to get up and get going because he was late anyway to pick up the ink for the guy he was doing a tattoo apprenticeship with. When he got to the the home of the ink supplier he was interested to see it was in fact someone he'd gone to high school with, what seemed like a million years ago.

"Come on in and have a drink or two!"

"I'm still technically on the clock with my new job but I can have one beer," Roger said as he stepped into a small rural home that was tastefully decorated with minimalism; seeming bigger that it was. The main feature on the one side of the living room was a big enclose with a huge green iguana inside. The most interesting thing about the iguana was "KENDRA" tattooed in large yellow letters down her side.

"Hey Brad, is that a tattoo on your iguana?"

"Yeah, I figured out a way to tattoo both the scale and the skin behind it so the tattoo stays even after they shed their skin... Hardest part is putting them to sleep because no way they gonna sit through that."

"She's a beauty this big one here... She's a she?"

"Yeah, she'd have a bigger jaw if she was male... Hey buddy, did you ever go on to get a football scholarship? I remember you being an amazing wide receiver!"

"I got kicked off the team when they found out I was gay."

Brad was obviously straight but also obviously shocked by this news that Roger now thought was news to no one.

"I thought you'd quit I just wasn't sure why...."

"No buddy, one day the quarterback caught me blowing the assistant coach in the locker room. I still think that quarterback was just jealous bottom for getting me kicked off the team and having the assistant coach stay."

"Hey buddy, I'm straight, but I agree with you. All homophobes are just closet homosexuals who hate themselves. Don't let their self hate affect you."

"I try not to, but sometimes it's hard not to my friend... So, where did you get this big girl? Kendra? I'm guessing her name is Kendra..."

"I got her for free from Columbia. My wife has a cousin there who breeds them. He's on hard times with it though. Not much of a market for them now Florida has banned them; even people outside Florida are getting spooked."

Suddenly Roger had a flash of evil genius.

"How many iguanas could I buy from him if I was looking to buy as many as possible?"

"He could probably get you as many as 10,000 but he'd charge you for it."

Roger got his tattoo work day done then hurried back to Brads house. After a couple phone calls with the cousin; what he had most excess of was exactly what Roger was looking for: large but not huge iguanas that were very mean and slightly feral. He agreed to pick up 3000 iguanas from a rural and slightly illegal Texas airport for $3000 cash.

After getting all the iguanas back to his friend Brad's house who'd agreed to keep them for a while, he and Brad proceeded to tattoo the word GAY on every lizard: 1000 yellow; 1000 pink; 1000 blue was the original plan until Brad decided to keep two for himself so only 998 blue GAY tags were tattooed. Brad had done all this quartering and tattoo labor pro bono because he felt so bad for being friends with the teenage monster quarterback who'd ruined Roger's football career.

Roger was drinking less, connecting with an old friend, and getting a lot of tattoo practice in; before he knew it the last iguana was recovering from getting its tattoo. All these iguanas had been having a good time in Texas with a lot of romaine lettuce and tomato chunks. Now they were ready to be part of Roger's evil plan: to be released outside every tomato farm in Florida to put some real hurt on those homophobic red necks. Over that summer, once or twice a week Roger would take is boat across the gulf to a different secluded drop off point. Depending on how secluded and how close to a farm it was: how many lizards he would take to drop off.

Early August and already he was making his last drop off tonight. Just three lizards for this final spot: one of each color. He just beached his motor boat when he saw a jogger along a trail coming towards him. Roger stayed still hoping the jogger would jog right along, but he was not so lucky.

"EXCUSE ME sir! You can't beach your boat there!"

"The boat has been beached so obviously it can!" Roger was getting ready for a big fight with this Florida boy who was fucking with the wrong Texan. Already there was most likely a few unlucky farmers who saw some destruction by his lizard fag mob, now it was time to give one red neck an ass whoopin.

To Roger's surprise, the jogger that approached him on this midnight moonlight beach was none other than Governor Ron DeSantis! "This is a state park and you're parking your boat there illegally," the governor said like a hall monitor about to call the teacher.

"Yes I am," Roger agreed with him plainly and was amused at how crestfallen DeSantis was after coming up expecting a fight.

"What are you doing here?" the Governor asked with hostile suspicion.

Roger was so amused by the whole situation he decided to be completely honest, "I'm releasing iguanas into the wild that have the word 'gay' tattooed on them," was it his imagination or did he feel like the Governor's body was dropping all inhibitions and was alive to the fact it was just the two of them on this secluded beach?

"IN YELLOW, BLUE, AND PINK?" Ron was now yelling in primal rage; there were no cameras on him and no need for statesmanship. He stormed towards Roger who had no idea if he should run or just stay to see just what this was. "I've been getting too many complaints about woke iguanas harassing the good sleepy people of this state and I will not stand for any more of it!"

"It's ok to say gay, Ron"

Ron's anger faltered now as he was just a few feet from Roger and could see Roger was not looking for a fight. "It's not... It's not OK," Ron said as a silent tear began to roll down his cheek.

Roger walked right up to him and wiped the tear away gently. "Yes, it is. It's OK"

They embraced passionately. All their anger turned to pure passion as they ripped the clothes off each other. They were both completely naked as they reached the cabin of the boat. Roger had just bought a new bottle of silicone lube; he had a feeling when he bought the bottle he was going to break it in with a closeted politician but he hadn't dared to hope for this muscle bear macho man.

Governor DeSantis had Mr O'Connor on his back in a dom-sub thing that had nothing to do with gender. Ron lubed himself up and slid in to Roger's tight man hole. He was gentle at first in a way that made it pretty apparent this wasn't his first time as a back door bandit. Then he knew right when to ramp it up to jack rabbit. Passionate kissing was almost nonstop until Ron broke away to let out a moan that was almost a scream. Both lay panting as they had achieved the ultimate cum at the same time climax.

"You know, I really should have you arrested, but I've only had the one complaint of the same three lizards harassing one farmer... How many lizards do you have here?" Ron said in a way that suddenly reminded Roger that they were strangers.

"I've only got three here. I figured I'd release these final three to make it an even six." Roger didn't feel bad at all for lying. The entire way Ron had just held him had been a lie when he was about to go back to his wife, his career, and his homophobic fan base.

"Well already I was never here and this never happened, is it ok if I release them with you before we go our separate ways and never speak of this again?"

"It would be an honor sir." Ron took one box and Roger took two as they took to the beach to open the cages.

"Ron... I..."

"Please, don't," said Ron as he looked tenderly at Roger, "It's what can never be for my family, my politics, or my state"

"But you saying it so is what makes it so!"

"I'm a good leader who gives the people what they want!"

"You're a fearmongerer who's making people afraid of a word that describes a minority!"

"Alright faggot, I'll go back to being the governor of the grate state of Florida and you go back to being a faggot." Ron spat spitefully then just ran on to continue his night time jog and never speak of the night he'd really just had.

Roger watched him jog away and never look back. He really hoped at least a few of these animals that he'd released the past six weeks survived and thrived. Perhaps it was animal abuse to use them to make a statement. But the lines of what is appropriate use can be blurry after a person has suffered much abuse themselves.