Ostara

 It was March 20th: the first day of the three day two night Ostara festival. Tomorrow was the spring equinox but it had been a cold winter. Thankfully today dawned bright with the promise of moderate weather. It was the first warm weather to break a hard freeze that had kept most of the people and rabbits indoors and in bad moods. 

Lance fed his rabbits then had his own breakfast - his routine that was becoming a ritual that empowered him. Then he was swept into the spirit of festival preparation by the traffic top who needed help directing arriving visitors. Lance was happy to help (most of the time). Depending how much he liked a person was how happy he was to help them and he knew how easy it was to make drama with people who expected more help than he thought they deserved. Lucky for the traffic top that he was a good friend who had often helped Lance in the past when he didn’t need to. 

Lance knew he was different from most people. He was both more timid when unsure and more tenacious when sure. Maybe it was the isolation or drugs of his youth, but most of the time he had a hard time understanding people who were forever doubtful and only somewhat sure of themselves when they felt both safe and supported.  

Lance did feel safe and supported in the Jackalope community. But the terror of childhood: feeling like he might be forever unworthy of those feelings did make him distrust them when they felt manufactured and run hard with them when they felt organic. 

Empathy wasn’t a choice for him. It had been self defense when he was in bad situations with bad people who expected other people to be responsible for their triggers. Now in a place of intentional goodness, it annoyed him sometimes to see people fawning over him when he knew the only thing they cared about was what they believed he could do for them. But he had gotten better at letting people be what they believed was encouraging and just doing his own thing regardless. The good food and healthy living had done wonders for him. He’d been sober from recreational drugs for almost a year and he’d moved from the wraith of a frightened child to a strapping young man. He’d grown an inch and gained 20 pounds of muscle that looked good on him. After being both broke and broken, his moderate savings from his work on the ranch made him feel like a man of means and his walk had a bit of a swagger that also looked good on him.

After traffic duty, he was walking towards the stage to see if the sound crew needed help setting up when a middle aged blonde lady appeared out of nowhere and gave him a big hug. Lance was terrified. “Hello?..” was all he could manage. 

“Hello! Oh I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself! I’m Helen. I’m Hana’s mom.”

“Oh Ok! Hi, I’m Lance” Helen had held on this whole time while Lance had no idea what to do, but now he gave her a good hug back and then stepped back to get some space from this lady who seemed nice but also seemed like a bit of a presumptuous stranger. 

“Yes! Hana pointed you out to me as we were driving in and it’s so nice to finally meet you! Here she is now walking up, so don’t let me get in the way of you kids kissing hello!” 

They knew almost everything about each other from their correspondence that had been frequent and lengthy on both sides, but this was still only really their second meeting and kissing hello in front of her mother did not seem like something either of them wanted to do.

“Leave him alone, mom. I can see you’ve been shocked by my shocking mother! Well… she’s not the only one who can be shocking… ” She opened the bulky jacket she was wearing to reveal a bump of a stomach; the way she put her hand on it; Lance knew it was a baby bump.

“Shit! Hana! Why didn’t you say anything? Is it mine?” was all he could think to say.

Helen looked down at him with raised eyebrows but Hana laughed. “You’re the only guy I've been with for a year, so yea, I’m pretty sure it’s yours.”

Lance was a flood of emotion. He was happy it was his, happy Hana seemed happy about it, and upset he’d put his foot in his mouth by saying what Helen had mistaken as slut shaming. “I’m so happy. I’m sorry if my question seemed rude. I wanted it to be mine and was just checking in.” Helen was happy about this and Lance was happy that she was happy. He went on, “And I want to pay child support. All I do here is make money I never spend because I have no needs here.”

“We don’t need your money,” said Hana.

“But we will take it for the baby and thank you so much Lance,” said Helen. “We didn’t know how to bring up the matter of child support and we’re so happy that you did.”

“Of course!” he said to Helen as he took Hana’s hand. “I’m happy to help. I want to help.” he said to Hana.

“Well in that case!” said Hana “Thank you! Maybe we should get married so you have to pay?”

Lance blushed crimson and started thinking of Vince. 

Hana laughed. “I’m kidding! We trust you to pay and we’ll let you pay as much as you like. But I’m having it and I’ll let you know what their name is after I decide.”

“I’m sure whatever name you decide will be perfect!” Lance was obviously relieved. He didn’t want the government or heterosexual rituals involved in his polyamours life. 

The three of them made their way to Warren’s Hearth where lunch was beginning to be served. Stew and rice and salad and smoothies. All of it tasted extra good to Lance. He was going to be a dad and determined to be a great one! “Beltane will be my end of my first year here,” he told Hana and her mother, “and after that I’m allowed three weeks vacation whenever I like without losing residency. I’d like to be there for the birth if that’s ok.” 

“Of course you can! I’m so happy you’re excited about this!” said Helen. “Our house is just a two hour drive from here and our hospital is less than that.”

“I can’t drive but Vince can.”

“Vince is Lance’s boyfriend,” said Hana to her mother.

“Yes, I know you and Lance are poly people. I know your boyfriend has a boyfriend and that’s ok.”

“We’re just friends,” said Hana. 

“I think of you as a girlfriend,” said Lance.

Now it was Hana’s turn to blush. “Well, I guess if that’s the term we’re all using I’m ok with it. I’m going to get more food. Our future poly person is currently only in love with food.”

As soon as Hana was away from the table Helen leaned close, “Tell me child, are you a Christian child?”

“No. I hope that’s ok.”

“Yes, honey. Of course that’s ok. Don’t tell Hana I’m asking you about this because she’d be mad. But I’m asking you if it’s ok if I bring the baby to church and get it baptized.”

“I believe that’s Hana’s decision.” He was grateful Hana was an agnostic spiritual like himself, and starting to get nervous that the child’s grandmother would be Christian. He’d not had good experiences with Christians. “Most of the Christians I’ve met have been hateful bigots,” he said looking squarely at her. 

“Anybody who hates anybody is not a Christian!” Helen said with passion but without anger. “Anybody who judges without the intention of ‘how can I help?’ is not a Christian!”

Lance was relieved by the open mindedness but still somewhat skeptical. “But what if people use their religion for entitlement to delusion where they believe hurting is helping?”

“Oh, honey, you sound just like Hana! Maybe some people do that sometimes but me and my church are the kind who only love and only when respect and consent are involved.”

“I’m grateful to hear it!” said Lance “But it’s still Hana’s decision how she wants our child exposed to religion and I stand by whatever she decides.” 

Then Hana got back to the table, looking beautiful with her long black hair tied back in a bun. Just after she’d sat down, Lance saw Vince approaching the table, looking beautiful with his long auburn hair tied back in a similar bun.  

“Vince, my love, this is Hana, my love.” He introduced him when he arrived - deciding to casually throw in some L-words just for the hell of it. “And this is her wonderful mother Helen who I just met.”

Helen got up and gave Vince a big hug and a kiss on each cheek. “A child can never have too many guardians and I hope you’ll also be a good guardian for your boyfriend’s girlfriend’s child!”

Vince didn’t miss a beat and Lance loved him all the more for it. “We’re having a baby?!” he said with equal parts excitement and bewilderment. 

“I’m having a baby!” said Hana, “And none of you all who did no work to make them will hold them without my permission.”

“Of course! Sounds like you’ll be a great mom and it’s great to finally meet you!” said Vince.

“Nice to meet you too.” said Hana with a warm smile.